I’ve been struggling a little bit over the last few weeks, if I’m honest. Like many people, lockdown is starting to get me down. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t especially want to go to the pub and grab a quick bite, or pop to the cinema or meet loads of people for coffee, but it’s the fact that I can’t that’s really wearing me down. I like working from home, I really do, and I’ve been super productive, but sitting in the same space, day in, day out, for 11 months now is starting to get old. And I love spending time with my choir but at the end of an 8-9 hour stretch sitting at the table in the window, I can’t say that I really want to spend another hour of my evening sitting at that same location!
I’m struggling with my weight. Pre-Lockdown 1 I’d lost quite a lot and was doing very well. That lockdown didn’t serve me well. But when that came to an end I knuckled down and got back on track and made good progress. Until we were thrown into the strongest tier 3 when I wobbled. Then came Lockdown 2 and I lost it. Then Christmas, and the 567 day dark, cold January that followed and brought us Lockdown 3. At this point, I really do look like the groundhog. I’m trying to gain control of it again but it’s hard, it’s really hard.
I’m way more fortunate than the people I know who live alone – I can’t even imagine how it is for them, and to them, I’m really sorry for whinging, I must sound like a completely self-absorbed hypochondriac!
I know I shouldn’t complain so my husband encouraged me to write a list of the things I’m grateful for. I won’t copy them all here, but I recognise that I am so fortunate and am so much luckier than some. I have my husband who I love dearly, and truly can’t imagine that I wouldn’t have murdered anyone else I’d been locked down with by now. I have a lovely home where I’m warm and safe and have enough (too much!) to eat. My family and friends, as far as I’m aware, are healthy, safe and haven’t been too badly touched by Covid. And there’s a ton of other stuff I’m not going to bore you with, however, just looking at that list is a tonic in itself!
And this week I’m especially thankful for our NHS. I’ve been super critical of the government and its handling of Covid-19, but I have to say I’m really grateful that they have handed the vaccine roll out to the NHS, funded it properly and entrusted it with delivering a truly fabulous service. When the first vaccine was approved, it looked like I would get mine at approximately the end April. They’ve done such an amazing job that last Sunday I got my first vaccine and on 10 May I’ll be having the second dose.
By this Friday, every member of my immediate family who is either over 50 or in one of the vulnerable priority groups will have received their first vaccine dose. How incredible is that?
So this week, this has given me hope. It feels like there will be an end to this. I have regained control of my eating, I have made a plan, I have taken up a new hobby (nope, not telling what yet, needs to stay secret till I’m ready to talk about it!), I can see a way forward.
They say that when something is difficult, try to remember it’s only temporary and that it will pass. I’d lost sight of that completely, but the gratitude list has brought me back to my senses. Maybe 2021 isn’t going to be a complete write off, after all…